Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
