Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
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