Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Randomize
