nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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