I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize