why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
