Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Randomize
