He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
