it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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