Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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