Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
