Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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