My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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