i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
