This girl is more easily done than said...
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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