How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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