So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Less talking, more tequila
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
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