none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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