I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize
