There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
