I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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