dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
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