are you still at the devil's house?
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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