So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
