Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
