I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
