I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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