So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
