You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
My pussy is not your playground.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I'm experimenting with sincerity
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
