i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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