I hate all girls vehemently.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
