i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
My penis needs a shock collar
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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