I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
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He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
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i think my cat just said my name.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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