i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
