You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
