Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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