your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
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