the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
