I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
