trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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