I need help removing her.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
