then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
