"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
