it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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