You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
sarcasm needs its own font
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Randomize
