She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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