I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
