Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Soap is not a condiment
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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