pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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