You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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