girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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