Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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