Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Randomize
