She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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