well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
