she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
