we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
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