i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
