So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
