brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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