idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
