I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Randomize
