Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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