i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Randomize
