He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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